dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
