That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
