She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Randomize
