Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
