um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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