He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize
