VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
