Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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