Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Randomize
