Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize