his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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