I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
