took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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