i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
