happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
