Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
