If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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