I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
He did a backflip because drugs
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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