So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
