come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
