The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
