Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
