I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
