I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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