dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
do herpes really smell.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
