She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Randomize
