I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
My ass is underappreciated
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
