Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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