Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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