I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
