i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
