I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
