Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
