Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
