So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize