he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
