I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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