I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Randomize
