also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
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