if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
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