You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
