I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
