Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
