I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
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