Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Randomize
