Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
