OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
My vagina is officially offended.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
