They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
