Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
