im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
