i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
