One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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