I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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