you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
