mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize