She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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