How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
