Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
