He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
