I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
