I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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