guys are not supposed to queef...right?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
