There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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