Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
