She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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