Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
