I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
